3 Things Having a Kid Changes in your Marriage

Hello! It’s Three Things Thursday, my new favorite weekly blog segment.

In honor of my 4 year wedding anniversary today’s 3 things are based on marriage and family.  Love you babe!

3 Things that changed in our marriage after having a kid: 

  1. Unplanned quality time is harder to come by.. before having a kid we spent unfathomable amounts of time together, we just had no idea how much time we actually had until we no longer had it. Now we are well aware, on most days our opportunity for unplanned quality time is limited to anytime that Lincoln is asleep, when we can schedule a sitter, or… nope that’s about sums it up. Even if we put on a movie or find a way for him to distract himself for a bit our parent hats are still on and we are on alert. At times we wish we could just take off to a movie or lay in bed and watch movies all day just the two of us. We’ve both had our fair share of crabby days because we wish we could just do whatever we want, but most of the time we don’t even notice this change. We’ve adapted to it and learned to thrive through it, our unplanned quality time is not gone all together, it’s just grown by one! And those moments with Lincoln where we are all spending time together doing whatever wherever are the times we’ve experienced some of the funniest and sweetest moments as a family of 4 *David get’s mad when Hiccup is not included in the family count*
  2. Vulnerability has reached an all time high! From the moment we found out we were pregnant with Lincoln our level of intimacy and vulnerability changed greatly and for the better. Discretion no longer played a role in our marriage. When you’re 41 weeks pregnant, experiencing terrible gas, and have to rock your hubby’s underwear to survive, all that mystery that lead to sweet baby making flies right out the window with your size small lace panties. Loss of the mystery sucks, it’s similar to when you move from dating to marriage and all the physical no no’s you tried to follow are no longer off limits, after I Do the excitement dissipates ever so slightly. *Come on, you know what I’m talking about!* Here’s the thing though, the newness, the unknown mystery of it all, yeah that’s sexy, but something new happens too and its amazing. The surface mystery is exchanged for this insane vulnerability and intimacy that is only gained from experiencing life so closely and deeply with another person that you’re intertwined, connected and bound by these moments that only you two know, only you two endured and only you two can relish in. The day I went into my emergency c-section and David my held my face so sweetly and sang over me while I cried in absolute fear, when David rocked me and Lincoln in his arms when I cried in anguish struggling to breast feed, when we watched Lincoln crawl after weeks of physical therapy, and the day we lost our most recent baby and had to say goodbye on an ultrasound. These moments and the many in between have created this special bubble that only David and I live in, you can read about them but my words pale in comparison to the depth and insane beauty of living and experiencing these moments together. So I say so long surface sexy and bring on the real life loss and love that makes our marriage sexier than Hollywood could ever pretend it to be.
  3. We can’t take ourselves too seriously anymore… We have always known how to have a good time, to be silly and laugh but with a kid this has only increased by about a bajillion! Let’s be honest we’ve never really had our lives completely together but before Lincoln arrived we could somewhat mask how insanely unqualified for life we were. Now it’s on display for the whole world to see and it’s incredibly humbling and increasingly hilarious. Lincoln could care less how something looks on the outside, how other’s may perceive our parenting style, or how we discipline and how we have fun. Lincoln just is, wholly and uniquely, he is who he is and expects the same from his Mama and Daddy. So this whole try to fit a specific mold as a person or a parent it’s not what’s best for us and certainly not what’s best for Lincoln. We are a mess and an honest to goodness example of what needing unrelenting grace looks like. Perfection is not the prize, being the best InstaMom is not the goal, being pretty and put together while making money and creating home made crafts for a perfectly scheduled toddler is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN and THAT IS OKAY!! *Do you hear me future Kate, I know you’re going to forget this by breakfast!* Just be present with your kid, with your spouse and with your friends. In the end your legacy is not what you did, it’s how you lived and how you loved!

The End.

*I hesitated posting today’s 3 Things out of fear of scaring away my friends who are married and on the fence about having kids or offending people who simply don’t wish to have kids. Both stances of which I support. Here’s the deal child rearing is not for everyone, it does change the dynamic of your relationship and takes a lot of effort to keep your marriage the main thing. However, in my case, the juice was worth every bit of the squeeze. Having a child has challenged and enriched our lives in more ways than we ever expected; and my love for David is stronger and fiercer than ever before. We owe all our thanks to Lincoln being in our lives. But again, not for everybody and I totally get it!*

Keep on Dreaming,


2 thoughts on “3 Things Having a Kid Changes in your Marriage

  1. Love this post, Kate! I recognize all of it. (And totally agree with the intimacy/vulnerability aspect. AND “presense over perfection” is totally my jam, too).😄🙏


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